Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
