"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
