Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
