who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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