Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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