Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just cut my nipple shaving
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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