so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
