And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
