You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
