....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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