i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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