I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
