Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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