Tell her she can't have a vagina
You can't special order awesome
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
