I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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