after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
