Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
