did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
