can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
