You're my little dorito
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
