dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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