Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
