Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize