The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
