You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
