Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
