Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
