yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Randomize
