Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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