return my video game
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
