i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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