I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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