i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
