yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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