So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
