I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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