I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
