Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
