It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
