can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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