the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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