i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
