I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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