i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
