i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
