Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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