There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
