Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
