Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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