hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
