honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
