I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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