went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
