never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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