Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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