Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
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Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize