i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
