I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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