If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
