ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
