Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
