i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
