I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
