The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
