got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
