Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize