I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
be right there i have to get my cape
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
