in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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