Please, let me fuck your mom
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
