who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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