I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
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i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
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I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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