Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
